It’s cold, and I was alone, and You were there with me. I don’t usually talk out loud on my walks. I usually just listen to my music, but it was a hard day. It was the kind of day where I just… needed comfort. And I said to You, “I feel alone, I feel tired, and the only thing I could want right now that would give me the most comfort is a hot drink to be waiting for me when I get home.”
And when I got home, grams had just put the kettle on for tea.
Thank You. Desperately. Thank You.
When I am writing
I splatter You on the page
with heavy kisses.
My skin is crawling;
I can’t clear my head.
Every thought I make is of death
and being dead.
The energy is frightening.
I can’t focus, want to sleep.
This ferocity of hunger
It’s hidden away too deep.
My hands will not stop shaking.
My teeth don’t cease to grind.
In my experience today
I hate everything I find.
I thought I was okay once.
Thought I’d moved on in my life,
But these worries, this depression,
they cut through me like a knife.
So do I call out now, ‘Please save me?’
Expect You to hear and to come?
Or do I bow my head, accept all this,
wait until the rain is done?
I don’t know if there’s tomorrow.
Wish I could pack up all this grief,
And I want You were here to hold me, Loki.
I pray You give me some relief.
Your words in my ear
are the sweetest sacrifice,each breath a blessing.
I want to hear you;Your silences tell me more
than any word could.
I will hold my breath,hearing again when You breathe
for my crying lungs.
pushing the words out,
hope for some return.
a stutter-stop of mental process
working past the dam
holding me back.
Damn my lack of concentration!
The only thing
I don’t have to think about
is my own inability.
Where is Your inspiration now?
Fingers to the keyboard,
When the anticipation and the excitement of a new journey wears away, what is left?
The routines that you have built up over the opening course.
Trying to discover things on your own is of course paramount, but it can be really boring, too. And what if those rituals haven’t been established firmly enough?
That’s when we rely on faith and hope for a better us, for a better way, for proof of our beliefs and for affirmations that we are, in fact, doing the right thing.
Am I wondering if I am sane? Am I wondering if I am doing this right?
All the time, every day.
But if I keep a clear head and renew my intentions often enough, eventually I will break through this barrier preventing me from achieving my goals.
You make me more than I am
and I am grateful.
Seeing You in all
gives me appreciation
for life’s small humors.